One Month Till Milwaukee Lakefront Marathon

Me after 18 miles last weekend.

Here I am nearly 3.5 months from having Cervical Cancer/Radical Hysterectomy/Lymphondectomy and exactly 1 month away from running a marathon.

I've got 4 full weeks left of training and I don't feel ready. I've been going through some not normal body stuff; I actually have feelings and cry now (YEAH can you believe that) sometimes I feel like I cannot control my emotions, probably just my body going through adjustments after the surgery (I do have ovaries still), I've gained weight (so hate that) and the one that drives me crazy is I sweat like CRAZY, I normally sweat a lot but it's SO bad now-when I'm done with a workout my shoes will be soaked in sweat like I was running through puddles but it's sweat not rain...so gross!

The weight gain has bothered me more than it should and its hurt my confidence big time. I'm having a really hard time taking the weight off, so much so I had my hormones and thyroid tested...they're normal. It's face the music time, I've got to hunker down and get serious. Small portions, better choices..plain and simple. Overall I'm glad to hear that, I hear doing hormone replacement can be a big trial and error and a long process, I've lost weight twice, I can do it again, just gotta focus.

I've also been doubting myself on every, single, long run, I always go into the LR thinking they are going to be hard, they're going to hurt and I wont be able to do it. I've done the big ones 16, 18 and 20 is coming next weekend, yet here I am going into my 2nd 14 miler this weekend and all I can think about how much its going to hurt and how hard it's going to be. I've said all along, me just being able to do this training and marathon is HUGE there are very few women who've had hysterectomies and abdominal ones for that matter that would even think a marathon 5 months later is possible. It was never a question of not going for it or saying maybe next year, so I don't know why I feel this way. I've got to get past this self-doubt funk I'm in; if you find my confidence will you return it please????

My Garmin died too. But honestly, I'm happy it was a POS anyway and once they came out with the new colorful Forerunner 10's I HAD to have one...in purple of course. The money was the big issue, with thousands of dollars in medical bills outstanding I really shouldn't and couldn't spend the measly $130 on a new one....but I did anyway. lol

This whole summer has been surreal. When I truly take a moment to sit back and think about it all, I still can't believe it...and I've lived it.