Thursday, October 28, 2010

So What's Next?

The Screaming Pumpkin Prediction Marathon Relay...tomorrow night, that's what's next! I really gotta say I love my freaking job. Tomorrow I get to do my whole show live on location at Glen Oak Park and then after I get to run my first Relay Marathon...a Prediction race. Meaning no clocks on course and no watches. The person or team that comes in closest to midnight w/o going over wins...bragging rights and more importantly a tiara! I want that crown dammit! If you come in after midnight you get a pumpkin wamp wamp wamp (is that how you spell that?). My team is my co-worker Bob, my boyfriend-Matty and my friend from the gym and the girl I did RPM training with Jill. Were dressing up too, cuz costumes are encouraged. Jill and I are wearing I <3 Vampires shirts and neon wigs I have a green one she has a pink. Otherwise the rest of our clothes are all black. Matty and Bob will wear corny Halloween tshirts too (I'm getting them tonight) and wigs, Matt got a Pirate one and Bob will have to get his tomorrow since he is still on his honeymoon. However I also got some white/black striped tights, I cut the toe off them (so I can wear running socks and not tear up my feet) and I'm wearing them under some spandex shorts lol! Oh and the race is done in Springdale Cemetery and the path is lit only by the moon and glow sticks. I think were going to start just before 8 or at 8pm. So excited this should be a TON of fun. People ask me often what kind of perks  get with the job, this is one of them, not only do I get to have a kick ass time while working tomorrow but I'm getting paid for it and my team got to register for free. Runners in town you should really check it out the website is and you can sign up tomorrow at the park while I am out there live. There will be live music starting at 7pm and then a DJ later. I'll have to pack a cooler with some special post race beverages too!

Profession pictures have been posted online of me running the race and boy are some of them a gag. I'm totally going to order a spread just need to decided what the one with the terrible in pain look on my face is most definitely getting ordered,you can view the pics here: and you can even order your very own coffee mug...mmmm that's one delicious cup of coffee!

I am getting my tattoo on Saturday. It will be the date and the time I finished in then an outline of a foot with the 13.1 in the center of it. I'll get it on my inner wrist. Now don't think I'm gonna get inked every time I run a race, only this time. I want to always remember the 1st race because it only will come one time, I want to always be reminded of what I wanted, worked for and succeeded at. Where I came from and where I never want to go back and where I can continue to move ahead. I'm totally stoked!

Monday, October 25, 2010


Well I did it, I ran 13.1 miles a 1/2 marathon as if there was ever any doubt! HA! Here is my recap. Friday morning kicked off with a trip to Enterprise for a car exchange funny story they had me set up with a Chevy Equinox and it was SUPER DUPER NIIIIICE but I didn't fit! No seriously I moved the seat up as far as it would go and my foot was still like 6+ inches from the gas pedal ha ha so they put me in a HHR instead. Matty and I hit the road about 10am for our longest road trip and first race together. Once we arrived in Mankato we checked into the hotel and headed to the Expo for packet pickup and to finally meet Jana. After that it was dinner at one of the local restaurants for a pasta feed which Matty and I took part in. Except it wasn't really a "feed" because it wasn't all you can eat. That was only one of my very few complaints-"feeds" are normally all you can eat and for a plate of noodles and sauce they should have had it all you can eat not just one single serving. But it was still good and it was more the experience than anything for me.

Race preparation began back at the hotel where we laid out all of our gear-clothes, shoes, ipods, etc we even put our chips on our shoes and bib numbers on our clothing. We set alarms on our phones and the alarm clock in the room at different times to ensure a wake up. Luckily we both feel asleep pretty quickly and slept well so once the alarm went off at 5am I only hit snooze 3 times. Funny thing happened (again) when I woke up I looked at my phone wondering why the alarm didn't sound at 5:15 like I set it and that is cuz the room clock was 20 mins fast, it was still only 4:57 nice! But we were up and had some breakfast oatmeal for me and a bagel for Matt. And yep I sure did have my morning poop so the day was off to a very good start. And it would just continue from there on out. At 6:30 Jana and fellow racer Dallas met us at the hotel and we made our way to the finish line to catch the buses to take us to the starting line at Mankato State University. This is where I peed the first time lol! At the MSU there were ton's of bathrooms and I continued to pee like 3x before the race started. The forecast called for rain but it held off and once the 8am start came around I knew it was going to be a great day for a run. It was chilly standing there waiting but about a mile in I start to feel the sweat. I totally tried to slow my pace at the start, even had music to force me to do it but I didn't but what I did do is have a steady pace the entire 13.1 miles. I knew about a mile or two in that I wasn't not going to make my goal of less than 2 hours or even 2:05 but I wasn't sad. I knew it was just because the Nike+ isn't 100% accurate so I decided 2:10 and running the whole time would be pretty fantastic. The course was beautiful starting through the city onto the outskirts of town, through the Minnesota fields, along the running/biking path, winding through the woods, following the river and finishing downtown. All along the way were hundreds of supports and family and friends cheering EVERYONE on. Every child on the path that had their hand out for high fives I made a point to five them their joy only increased mine. There were some pretty big down hills and some small yet challenging uphills but when I got tired I remembered power up and coast down. Plus I thought about Matty trying to get to mile 9 to see me, sadly he never made it but I told him if he couldn't it was okay what really mattered was him at the finish line. The last 2 mile stretch along the river there were tons of motivational signs put into the ground one stood out to me. I've said it before on Facebook and time and time again when I teach RPM 'Pain is temporary regret is forever' and it totally helped to give me that final push and motivation I needed to get through those last grueling few miles. Plush at this point I saw a few people walking and I was determind to NOT be one of them I was running this whole thing! As I approached the top of one of the bluffs I could see the Hilton downtown and I knew I was only about a mile away and as I made my way back into the downtown area my stride lengthened and my speed pick up and the thought of finishing just propelled me through the stiffness and pain. As I rounded the final corner I knew to look to my left for my cousins Andrea and Shyan and for Matty. I saw the girls first and a HUGE smile and love took over me when I saw them and their smiles and the pride they had for me and I felt totally special because I wanted someone to make a sign for me sooo badly and low and behold they both did! Then just a few steps away was my love with the camera in one hand, a gigantic smile across his face and his hand stretched out for my high five, it was truly amazing. I didn't even feel myself running as I ran that last few meters and crossed the finish. I ran the entire time only stopped 3 times for water (I haven't perfected the drink and run maneuver yet I mostly just get water on my shirt lol) and my final time was 2:10:18!

Post race we met briefly with my cousins before they left and then oddly found Jana (who also did find me on the course) and Dallas for some quick photo opps, we took in some of the post race party to refuel our bodies and then watch some of the marathon runners come in before heading back to the hotel. The rest of the day was spend in bed lol. I was completely emotionally and physically exhausted that doing anything was out of the question. I was invited to my cousins, to Jana's and my nephew even tried to guilt trip me into meeting him and my parents some place. But I was drained and there was ZERO chance I could do anything at all. In fact I wanted a cheese burger and fries post race couldn't even do that, instead opted for pizza bed lol. Your first 1/2 a Marathon only comes once and despite a few let downs this was an amazing experience. Matty and I have decided we would like to do more trips like this where we run races out of town together and it was a definite yes for both of us. So, now that is left is what's our next race?

PS: Matty kicked ASS and did me so proud. He placed 33 out of 340 people with a pace of 7:48!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

And tomorrow were off to Mankato for the 1/2 Marathon and 10K!

Thank God my work is done and not crazy. However getting ready personally at home is another story. I still need to do some light cleaning-I'm one of those people that has to leave a super clean house/so I come back to a clean house. Then I gotta finish laundry and pack. Plus, I always HATE cooking the night before I go outta town-cuz that leaves dirty dishes-so after work I'm meeting peeps for Flat Top! Then I gotta hit Target because its suppose to rain race day-70% chance-awesome! So were gonna pick up some cheepo ponchos so we can be dry when the race starts and then just toss them. I was gonna get an audio book cuz the drive to MN is BORING but I went to the downtown branch forgetting its all tore up and that they don't have any. Lakeview is open until 9pm so hopefully I can swing in there tonight.

Spectators-still no word on my nephew and rents-told my mom that she just needs to call the place. My cousin Andrea sent me a . My sister backed out, which I totally expected.

I pick up my rental tomorrow morning as soon as it opens at 7:30-8ish. The plan is to leave at 10a, check into the hotel, go to the expo for our packet pick up, then prob dinner at one of the pasta feeds they have for runners, hyvee for breakfast items and then back to the room to set out all our gear and GO TO SLEEP!

Play list is DONE! I used some of my fav tunes and RPM music along with suggestions from friends and I did a contest with listeners for a fee tshirt, here's my play list:

I'm starting with slower songs so I remember to pace myself.
Eminem-Sing for the Moment
Katy Perry-Teenage Dream
Corey Hart-Sunglasses at Night  I <3 the 80's
Katy Perry f Snoop Dogg-California Girls
Lady Gaga-Bad Romance gotta have the Gaga this is where I start to pick up the tempo
Ke$ha-Take It Off  yes I added Ke$ha and you can suck it haters I like this tune besides she wants u to take it off!
Nickelback-Because of You I loved training to this song
Bruised Water-from RPM 45
What Is Love-From RPM 47-Klaas Meets Haddaway
Smells Like Teen Spirit-from RPM 34-Warp Brothers remix
Zombie-from RPM 40-Andrew Spencer takes on the Cranberries for this bad ass remix!
It's Not Over (and it will sooo not be over when I get to this song)-from the latest RPM release 48
Voodoo People-The Prodigy-from RPM 43

I figured at this point I may be wearing so I thought I would put in some more slower stuff to help me slow down and catch my breath and re-focus
Mindset Evolution-The Calling gotta have the house band and I loved training to this tune
Linkin Park-New Divide

And here's the listener suggestions and winners!!!
Pink Floyd-Run Like Hell sooo appropriate and I LOVE The Wall
Survivor-Eye of the Tiger I was totally going to put this one down anyway he it worked for Rocky why not Anna?
Motley Crue-Kick Start My Heart
ACDC-Thunderstruck (this one was a toss up w/ Distrubed Down w/ the Sickness so I flipped for it)
and Marilyn Manson-Beautiful People
Congrats to the winners and I hope it pumps me back up!

And honorable mention is My Darkest Days-Pornstar Dancing but I used the version with Ludacris cuz I haven't heard it yet.
Kevin Rudolf-Let it Rock cuz I loved training to this song

Then I asked some people close to me for a song suggestion so I would think of them as I near the finish line.
Eminem-So Bad the girl I'm running the 1/2 Mary with Jana's suggestion
Sixx: AM-Life is Beautiful-my BFF Scott's suggestion
Deee-Lite-Goove Is In the Heart my BFF and fellow 1/2 marathoner who I'll run a race in 2011 with Bry
Three Days Grace-Animal I have Become the worlds best boyfriend suggestion
and bringing it home with Flo Rider-Right Round

Cool down tracks so I keep walking and don't sit down for a few minutes are:
Incubus-Stellar-duhhh like I could do anything w/o a track from them

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

It's starting to hit me....2 and a 1/2 day's to go

I will be competing in my first 1/2 marathon this weekend...WOW! I already feel like I am a "runner" but once I do this race I will really feel like I am in the special runners group. We already know I am in a "special" group but that's a different topic for a different time...or maybe one that doesn't even need to be explained.

I remember a long time ago my BFF Bry training and running in her first 1/2 marathon. Watching her journey I was so proud but also envious and maybe even a little jealous. I want to run a 1/2 marathon. But I just felt like I was to over weight. I knew I had an athlete inside of me but it was smothered by about 20lbs but mostly by complete self doubt. I sat in silence. Filled with envy. And drowning in my own lack of self worth. I think of all  the small things, that lead me to where I am today. Starting with what I like to call "the prop" to the surgery to the breakup, even though every single one of those events sucked more than anything has ever sucked, I'd do them all again exactly the same to be where I am today. I don't ever remember a time where I truly loved myself and believed in who I am and what I am capable of until now and I know each one of those things lead me here. And so wish no more, dream no more and hope no more, now I'm just going to do it!

PS: Update on my car I need a whole new transmission, sweet huh? Well Enterprise wants to charge me extra for a car upgrade for the road trip so I called the dealer that sold me the car and they are going to pay for the upgrade-as they should-and I'll be set with a rocken SUV for the trip. I'm sure Matty will bring his lap top along so you can watch facebook for updates this weekend. I'll for sure blog on Monday since I am taking the day off of work. I need a day to myself and my DVR and just to decompress. Thanks for all your support, suggestions and just for reading my random running thoughts the past 12 weeks. And since Matty reads this I just wanted to say Jesus Poops!

Monday, October 18, 2010

4 days to go and everything is breaking...except me...thankfully

Ahhhhhh the week that I need it to be stress free is turning into HIGH stress. I've gotten so so so many helpful tips for the race and am so anxious to try them but first I need to get there and at this point I don't know if I will...with my mind in tact.

Last week was so stressful and sooooo very busy with work that I couldn't even think, in fact on Thursday I broke down and cried for 45 minutes. I kept trying to pull myself together and just get it going but I couldn't. Once I did I knocked it outta the park but man that thoughts, the stress I hate to say it but its still a fresh memory. And I know that any day now things could change and get crazy at work once again so just trying to take each day as they come.

So the night we got back from St. Louis my outdoor faucet was officially broke and in need of a plumber. Trying to save money I had a friend look at it, he didn't want to mess with it. So I had to put the hose up to it and run it to my front yard. 1st plumber to big to fit in my crawl space the small one wouldn't come till Monday-Today. And he was a no show! But to make it worse lets back track. Friday-my cell phone breaks, I can make and take calls but ONLY if its on speaker. Sprint is sending me a new phone, thank god for texting but not sure when the new phone shall arrive. But then the mother of all bad happens on Sunday morning. Matty and I were going to run the Screaming Pumpkin route (were doing the relay marathon with 2 other people) so he comes to pick me up in my SUV (I got a bit tipsy the night before at a wedding) as he back outta my driveway my car acts BAD. Not wanting to go into gear, we keep driving to get a feel of it and see if it will kick in. We didn't make it far, only to the big lots on Sterling and it died. It runs but wont go into gear, my escape is an 07 but I only purchased the darned thing not even 3 months ago. It's a good thing we were on our way to run and like to run so we left it and ran to Matt's place, through the Heights and then back to Matty's for a 7 mile run. My car is at Finish Line Ford as I type and IDK what is wrong. Yes its under the Power Train Warranty and for some odd reason I also went ahead and got the extended warranty THANKFULLY so it will be 100% covered but talk about suckage. I'm driving a rental (that's paid for by the dealer) until I know what's up. Oh and the plumber finally showed up, luckily that was an easy fix, installed a new faucet and I'm good to go AND as a bonus I don't have to run off my water in the winter with this. So now its just waiting for the car detail, I hope its fixed by Friday because I do NOT want to drive this nasty rental Chevy Cobalt to Mankato.

As far as running I did a 9.5 mile run on Thursday, already mentioned the 7 mile on Sunday both of which are mapped on if you wanna check them out (and posted on my facebook). Today I finally re calibrated my Nike+ and this time on the track at the Riverplex and I'm sooo mad because I'm not as fast as I thought..9:30-9:40 miles boooo. I did a 3 mile run after I re calibrated and my average was 9:40 so I guess I wont be making a goal of doing the 1/2 in under 2 hours now. So if I do it in the 2:05-2:10 range I'll be happy!

Running tips I can't wait to try:
-Drive to the start before the race so I know how long my drive is since I'm from out of town and know where I am going. We will do this on Friday anyway to pick up our race packets. That is the finish line but they are saying to park there, then take buses they are providing to the start. Nice too cuz if my SUV is fixed I have key less entry so we can leave a change of clothes in the truck along with keys, cells and stuff and not have to worry about a bag drop.
-Pack your drop bag the night before.
-Pin your bib number on your shirt and put the timing chip on your shoe the night before. Also lay out all your clothes, shoes, morning meals, ipod, gps and everything you play to use the night before.
-Have 2 form of wake up-were gonna set my alarm on my phone and ask for a wake up call from the front desk. I plan to wake up at 5-5:30am. Eat my breakfast about 6-6:15am, leave hotel by 6:30am. Plan to arrive to catch the buses at 6:45am. Race starts at 8am.

One last thing. My nephew and parents may come. I'm praying this happens because nothing would make me more happier so please pray with me and for me. They may let him out on a day pass (waiting approval-if you don't know what I'm talking about then ask and I MAY tell you if I don't then its none of ya's) and he said he wants to come see me run. So my parents are going to come down with him if he gets approved they plan to be in Mankato by 9am to see me cross the finish line.

If you have any other race tips please feel free to share!

Monday, October 11, 2010

7 1/2 Miles in Forrest Park St. Louis....I think

Just a quick note to tell you about running in St. Louis. First I LOVE that city. It's so beautiful and clean downtown. The architecture is really neat and I love the layout of the city. This time we stayed right across the street from the Scottrade Center home to the St. Louis Blues. BTW-The Blues won the home opener Saturday for my first NHL experience, it was unforgettable! So Forrest Park (where the Zoo is at and if you haven't been to the STL Zoo you gotta go its sooooo awesome) was about 10 minutes away from where we stayed and I was told by a few people how its a great place to go for a run, I read that its bigger than NY Central Park too. The last trip down we ran downtown so we-Matty and I-thought it would be fun to go out there, GREAT CHOICE! I still haven't re calibrated my Nike+ but I really don't think its off too much. The last run that I did, the one where it was off by almost a mile, has a lot of hills in it and I know that messes up the distance and I did take a shorter route than I had planned, I assumed it would be a 10 mile run and it wasn't. All of this is besides the point, the Nike+ say we ran 7.75 miles, I'm guessing our milage was somewhere between 7-7.5 miles because we ran for over 70 minutes and I KNOW that we go faster than 10 minute miles but I am unsure of the exact distance. Anyway the trail through Forrest Park was beautiful. The weather was perfect for running in shorts/tank tops, the changing colors and all the other people enjoying the morning just made it a great start to the day. Plus after spending all day Saturday on our asses it felt good to get out there and move those legs. There was also some pretty good hills in this track. It's definitely more fun to explore new tracks/trails because it keeps running interesting. I'm soooo bored with the loop in my neighborhood and at the Rock Island Trail. I like the challenge that comes with a new course however the one draw back is not being familiar. I'm still unsure of where that track went and would have loved to have run the whole loop but as we were running we kinda got a little confused so just flipped and back tracked.

Three miles today with some sprints following the run, aiming for 6 miles tomorrow after Body Pump class, Wednesday off, 9 miles on Thursday (unsure if I am going to attempt Body Pump) and then Saturday I may hit the pavement for 6 or 7 and that will be my last longer run before the race NEXT Saturday!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

2 weeks and the wind down begins

I think this is going to be the hardest part of training, winding down my runs. Today I did 10 miles (more on that in a bit). Next week I am going to do 9 on my long run day and then the week of I'll still run 4x's a week but my only long run that Sunday prior of 7 miles, 2 on Monday and then either 3 or 4 on Tuesday. My training calls for me to run 2 on Thursday but I don't think I will, I think I'll just do a Body Pump class that morning.

So here's my grip me and my Nike+. I have my calibration off. Today I wanted to run 10 miles but I forgot to map it out in my neighborhood first so I just kinda guessed on my run. Well my Nike said i did over 10 miles but I knew that was wrong because on Sunday when I ran 7 I knew that it was a for sure 7 mile run cuz I mapped it and this run said I was at 7 a ways before I hit that mark. Anyway, I get home and I map it and I was off by just under a whole mile! So my calibration is WAY off. So now I am questioning EVERYTHING, did I really run 13 miles already (I think I did or at least came VERY close)? And what about my pace, is that accurate? Am I really as fast as I think I am? I know when I calibrated it I did it on the treadmill (which is a no-no) but I didn't think it would be off by that much. I also know you can calibrate your Nike AFTER a run using the run you just did, however I screwed it up when I tried it today. I'm 1/2 tempted to run a mile or so tomorrow so I can try to calibrate it after a run. If your wondering what/how all you do is your run your set distance, but make sure you KNOW 100% for sure the exact distance of the run (I map mine on when you hit end workout all your supposed to be able to do is hold the center button on your ipod and then it says calibrate or something (not sure cuz I haven't done it) and then you set the distance you actually ran and it calibrates it. I think this sounds like the easiest and most accurate way to do it. But today I hit end workout and let go of the center button then tried holding it down and it didn't work. So I assume when you hit the center button to end workout you also hold it down at that point (and don't let up like I did) and you can do it. Somebody try this and tell me if it works.

So I am putting together a team to run the Screaming Pumpkin Prediction Marathon were going to do the relay so each one of us will run a 6.55 leg of the race. I guess its a huge challenge because of the hills and stuff but it just sounds like so much fun I can't wait. Matty, my friend Jill and I are all in for it. Were waiting on Matty's friend if he doesn't do it not sure who else I'll ask I have a few in mind and would like to stick with another male runner. And yes were going to dress up too lol should be fun you can read about it here:

Going to be 80's this weekend so BEAUTIFUL running weather I'm looking forward to a fantastic run in St. Louis with my Matty!

Monday, October 4, 2010

18 days and counting down..PS: Sorry I haven't check in in over a week!

WOW I have been ubber busy these past few days between running, working, remotes and travels I've had no time to blog. Work has been kicking my ass if its not remotes its endless amount of commericals to make plus contesting to do. Then there is my training, my RPM teaching, my boyfriend and then the traveling. We-Matty and me-went to St. Louis last Monday for the Cardinals/Pirates game, were going back to St. Louis this weekend for the Blues home opener but before that were staying in Bloomington for the Rob Zombie concert. And then of course traveling up to Mankato in 2 weeks for the 1/2 Marathon and 10k. Oh and last but most definitely not least my mom was down here to visit this past weekend. So lets talk running....

I'm still keeping up with running 4x a week and Matty has been joining me mostly on my Sunday runs. Last week it was 7 miles on Sunday w/ an average pace of 8'55 obviously that was a run with Matt. Monday it was 3 @ 9'02, Wednesday 6 miles @9'03 and then Thursday my long run I once again aimed for 13 miles and smashed it with a 9'36 pace. These short runs are just so easy to me these days I love it. Then my long run on Thursday I did out at the RIT again and miles 1-10 were a cinch but that 10th and 11th miles were tough and I really slowed down to over a 10 minute pace but then once I hit 12 my adrenalin kicked in like I haven't felt before, I got a 2nd wind and ran in just over 8 minutes. I killed it. After the run and viewing my time I can really see that training with Matty has done great for my speed. He is so much faster than me so when we run together I force him to slow it down sum and he forces me to pick it up and its really paying off in my average pace. The whole long run I never once felt winded so its paying off. Now I am going to start tapering down. Sunday my mom took Pips for a walk while Matty and I ran 7 miles and again our pace rocked with an 8'51 but we ran about 7.50, it was a great run!

Apearl: I finally picked up a running jacket and I've worn it twice and I really do dig it. However I do need to invest in another one, I did fine one at Dick's that I really loved. For those that know me, you know that I MUST have chap stick with me where ever I go and this coat I found has this sweet ass zipper pocket on the arm that will be the PERFECT location for that chap stick I must go back and buy it. I also need to get another pair of pants cuz mine are starting to fall off and I hate that when I am running and I gotta do the run, pull up ur pants dance at the same time, not only do I feel stupid but I look it too. And I need a another new sport bra because I have no bobbies anymore :( I guess this is a problem I shouldn't complain about but dammit I hate spending lots of money on clothes that I am just going to sweat in.

Let's see what else...I've been getting minor cases of RT every time I run and that pisses me off because I'm staying away from the dairy and fiber. Still gotta stop and pee at least once in my long runs too. Right now bathroom issues are still my number 1 fear come race day. I've also had some pain in my surgery ankle. Matty's got me taking ibuprofen every morning and night and I'm really trying to do my stretches every day but sometimes I just get busy or forget uhh. Plus my physical therapist said that I just need to call her and she will show me how to tape it up and give me some tape and that will help but I keep forgetting...I'm going to text her now.

Time goal: I didn't want to set one but now that I've done 2-13 mile runs in 2:05 that is my goal come race day, I'll be beyond happy if I can come in under 2 hours.

Spectators: My cousin is no longer staying with me in Mankato but she says she will at lest come down to watch me run. I don't know what my sister's plans are. Matty is officially registered for the 10K and we already planned that he will find me at the mile 9 view point and then at the finish, I'm so happy he's going to be there. My mom really wants to talk my dad into at least coming down race day to see me but it prob wont happen because its so close to when they move. I keep throwing out selling points that they will be able to leave Mankato no later than noon so they can get back home and that if they wanted to come down Friday night I have a 2 bed hotel booked and paid for already and that this will be my dads only chance to meet my boyfriend, but I don't know if any of that is working, guess we'll find out in 18 days!!!!!!!