Wednesday, October 20, 2010

It's starting to hit me....2 and a 1/2 day's to go

I will be competing in my first 1/2 marathon this weekend...WOW! I already feel like I am a "runner" but once I do this race I will really feel like I am in the special runners group. We already know I am in a "special" group but that's a different topic for a different time...or maybe one that doesn't even need to be explained.

I remember a long time ago my BFF Bry training and running in her first 1/2 marathon. Watching her journey I was so proud but also envious and maybe even a little jealous. I want to run a 1/2 marathon. But I just felt like I was to over weight. I knew I had an athlete inside of me but it was smothered by about 20lbs but mostly by complete self doubt. I sat in silence. Filled with envy. And drowning in my own lack of self worth. I think of all  the small things, that lead me to where I am today. Starting with what I like to call "the prop" to the surgery to the breakup, even though every single one of those events sucked more than anything has ever sucked, I'd do them all again exactly the same to be where I am today. I don't ever remember a time where I truly loved myself and believed in who I am and what I am capable of until now and I know each one of those things lead me here. And so wish no more, dream no more and hope no more, now I'm just going to do it!

PS: Update on my car I need a whole new transmission, sweet huh? Well Enterprise wants to charge me extra for a car upgrade for the road trip so I called the dealer that sold me the car and they are going to pay for the upgrade-as they should-and I'll be set with a rocken SUV for the trip. I'm sure Matty will bring his lap top along so you can watch facebook for updates this weekend. I'll for sure blog on Monday since I am taking the day off of work. I need a day to myself and my DVR and just to decompress. Thanks for all your support, suggestions and just for reading my random running thoughts the past 12 weeks. And since Matty reads this I just wanted to say Jesus Poops!


  1. I am so excited for you!!!! I will be thinking of you this weekend and wihsing I could be there to cheer you on and over the finish line!!! Just know my thoughts and love are there, all the way from AZ. I am also so happy to see the emotional growth you've experienced through it all. I want nothing but total happiness for you my dear!! Love you and miss you!!
    Aunti D

  2. It was so awesome to chat with you last night on the phone. I hope my Minnesooooota accent didn't annoy you to much. ;) I remember when I asked you to run this race with me. I am so glad you said you would. We both get to experience something pretty awesome on Saturday! I am so glad my first time will be with you! ;)

    PS: Jesus farted too... which is what I wish I would have been thinking when I tooted at the gym today. Because I had my headphones on I have no idea if anyone heard. HA!

  3. Jana-"I am so glad my first time will be with you!" that's what he said....baaahhaaahahahahaha!

  4. Dude now I'm jealous of YOU!!! Seriously I know how hoaky it sounds to say how proud I am of you but for real... I'm PROUD of you! I know what it's like to train. How hard it is. How fun it is. How much work it is. But know this... crossing the finish line on Saturday will make you feel so damn happy! So savor that moment!!! All you've done the past 12 weeks has been to make that moment happen! I personally always cry... I know you're not a cryer so probably won't. But there's nothing like it. I think of it like this... most people don't ever get off their asses to achieve a goal or a dream. They make excuses, they are lazy, they get down on themselves... but not ME and now not YOU either! It's much harder to put on a pair of running shoes and take that first step... So anyway... I'll stop rambling. This was a whole lot of hoaky baloaky. But.. every word is true. No doubt you've inspired others just like I inspired you. Congratulations on all your hard work!

  5. I am hoping we can make it, too. But with this move & all we have to get done..... I just want you to know how so very proud I am of you. Not only for the race but how you have gained yourself back these last few months. If we are not there just remember I will be thinking of you ALL day long. I love you!!!!!