~WARNING WARNING GROSS BODILY FUNCTION TALK FOLLOWS THIS WARNING, IF YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW THEN DON'T READ AND DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOUR ASS BODILY FUNCTIONS TALK IN THREE.....TWO.....ONE....
Mattie-"you got seven miles today"
Me-"yeah I know, but it will be a cinch"
That was me jinxing myself.
So its been a while since I've talked about the runners trots (RT's) because based on my researching on the Internet I learned to alter my diet. I'm one of those that have to eat before working out otherwise I get lightheaded and fatigued and my fav breakfast is yogurt, cereal or smoothies...but DAIRY and FIBER are the culprits of the RT's so on run days I instead opt for a bagel with cream cheese and a banana (banana's are super good for runners BTW also something I learned in my homework) or egg whites on a bagel with a banana. And I'm proud to say its working, ever since I've done this no RT's, Yippie! Today I had cheese on my egg whites and was inflicted...note to self say no to cheese..dammit I love cheese! But the RT's was the LEAST of my problem. Sunday evening I kinda had a feeling that a UTI was coming my way...Monday I was sure. So I called my doctors office to get some drugs to fix me up but my trusted nurse was not in...CRAP...I had to deal with some random skank. I tell ya the moment I was talking to this bimbo I knew, I just knew something was going to go wrong. At about 4:30 after not hearing back from her I called my pharmacy to see if my script was called in and NEGATIVE GHOST RIDER, so I call the doctors office and its effing closed...that hooker didn't call in my cure! BITCH! So I loaded up on natures cure, Cranberry juice to get me by. It helps but seriously cranberry juice is ONLY good when its mixed with Vodka! So, this morning I wake up and I knew that I was feeling like ass and that this run may not be so fun. As soon as I got in the car and headed back to my house I was calling my doctors office for drugs. Thank heavens my angel Erin was back, I left her a funny message about how cranberry juice can only do so much and she was my only hope (she listens to me on the radio so I can be silly with her) and once I got home I chuggaluged my grossjuice, in high hopes I could get through this run w/o issues.
Boy was I wrong...about 5 steps into my SEVEN MILE RUN I was cussing a bitch out, RT's are NOTHING compared to running with a UTI....NOTHING, I swear to god I felt like my bladder was going to drop onto the sidewalk. 2.25 miles in I had to stop at Kroger to attempt to relieve myself and not only do I have the I feel like I gotta pee even though I don't problem I also had a small case of the RT's thanks to that fricking cheese! I relieve myself...well not really...and start back out. Five steps in I think about turning back and saying eff it. But being the retardo I am I continue on my way. I felt like my at any moment I was going to piss myself or my bladder was going bottom out of me, numerous times I uttered "F*** ME" and cussed out the C-U-Next-Tuesday that didn't call in my drugs on Monday because if that slut-o-rama would have I wouldn't have been in distress and my seven miles would have been a cinch instead of the shear torture they were. Then, I wondered if God was punishing me for committing sins or the running god was just trying to say that's what you get for being a cocky beotch. Either way, I'm psycho and I ran 7 miles at a 10:04 pace (which is shitty for me) and finished with a total run time of 1hr 10mins.
Anyway, when I got home my angel Erin had returned my call apologising for my discomfort because some stupid fill in nurse couldn't get her shit together. She called in my drugs and off to Walgreen's I ran, still feel like ass but at least I'll be better by Thursday's 10 miler. On the flip side of all this negativity I did learn that I obviously have issues and there is pretty much nothing that is going to stop me from running this 1/2M all the pain I put myself through (and I'm only 4 weeks into training and 59 days to go till race day) means that come October 23rd I'm going to be so well conditioned in ALL areas of my body that nothing will get in my way. Excuse me I gotta go pee...hopefully....((((SIGH))))