Monday, April 11, 2011
Can I have a little courtesy please?
1. NEVER NEVER NEVER ask a runner for directions - she may look like she is just plodding along and has nothing better to do than to guide you to the destination that you feel so desperate to get to....BUT I am telling you, she is most likely concerned about her pace, her momentum, her distance and the song she is listening to. And most likely she will just point you somewhere in order to shut you up! *ha ha ha I've actually done this a few times, I feel evil after because its always someone old and then I think about someone doing that to my grandma and how much it would piss me off. But, grandma is dead so no worries, serves the oldie right for making my 8:30 pace on mile 6 to a 11:45 pace, bitch!
2. You don't like it when I run in the road cause God forbid you have to pay attention to your driving, yet you REFUSE to keep your sidewalks clear for me. I can't hurdle a bike, dodge garbage cans or vault over your parked car. SO YES, I will be in the road...please just drive with your eyes open. *Lets see once I was hit by a car, old lady not paying attention. Know what I did? Pounded my fist on her car, maybe even gave her a mild heart attack and kept on running because yes that's how we runners roll. I could go on and on about this stuff. Heck I had some ass***e almost hit me this weekend in his rush to get to Nina hardware and tons of people saw it. What did I do? Again I pounded the side of his POS van and shouted multiple obscenities. Shortly after a very nice OLD lady (what's with old people) saw me coming and what did she do? She put her car in reverse and backed out of the intersection assuring I had enough room. When I ran by I thanked her. I will always wave a thanks at ever driver to notices me and doesn't try to beat me. Trust me the 2 seconds it take me to cross your path will not cause to miss anything.
3. KEEP YOUR DOG ON A LEASH...for all that is good and Holy, is that too hard? I am a dog lover I have two furry little friends that I ADORE. But I know that if you are running past my tiny little puppy...she won't bite you but she will growl and bark like she wants you dead...so I keep her on a leash. I can see that you don't know that she won't bite you. Therefore when I am running past your dog I have no idea if he is going to bite me or not. I HAVE BEEN BITTEN so I have reason to believe that he may. So for the sanity of society....leash your dog. *FYI its the law to have your dog on a leash. Luckily I've never had a dog encounter...knock on wood.
4. If I am 'talking' ignore me. I am not talking to you, I am likely singing....you will not like what you hear so please ignore that horrific noise coming from my mouth! *I also do a ton of fist pumps, air drums and guitar too!
5. AND for all you ever so awesome race audience people....WE LOVE LOVE LOVE that you come out to watch us run by. We love when you cheer for us, offer us water, sing for us. We do not mind if you are in your slippers, sitting comfortably in a nice chair. We do not mind that you are drinking bottle after bottle of water as we run by dying of dehydration. We do not mind watching you eat McDonalds, donuts, cinnamon rolls, coffee, beer, burgers, pizza whatever...even though we know we can't have that. BUT WHAT WE DO MIND....is you sitting there inches from the race route sucking away on a cigarette or a cigar. IT SMELLS BAD and I already can't breathe....none of us running can breathe and you are not HELPING. PUT OUT THAT cigarette, you DO NOT NEED IT ANYWAY. *A-FREAKING-MEN! Seriously who in the heck watches a running race and puffs away on a cancer stick? Personally, I love your kids that support us, I make every single opportunity to give them the hand slap, thank you! More times than not your cheering is what is keeping me going.
6. Do not feel sorry for me or warn me of the weather. I know the weather is bad. When I am out running in the rain I realize I am getting wet. If I am out in the snow, I can see that it is snowing. And trust me I feel every wind gust. I LOVE what I do, I am out there because I like it! YES even in the rain, the snow the wind. You would be amazed how beautiful the world is during a fresh snowfall. Rain runs are so refreshing, it's fun to dodge puddles! I have a training schedule to keep, life does not stop for my running. I have kids, I have a job, I have lots of obligations....so I run when I can even if the weather sucks. In my mind that just makes me more bad ass! *In mine too!
7. and lastly....and this is just me being very selfish....BUT if I am running and you are walking I am working harder than you so therefore GET THE FU** out of my way. *I attempt to be courtious and let out a cough or say behind you but more times than not it doesn't make a difference. So instead I take amusement seeing you jump outta your shoes and almost crap yourself.
And one of mine is stop freaking honking and shouting at me. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to give you my number. I don't want anything to do with you. You look like a creep when you honk and try to get my attention. I don't give a flying you know what about anything other than the road, my time, my pace, my breathing and watching out for all the idiots on the road who too busy talking on their cell or texting to pay attention to that girl running. If you are my friend and you see me running and you honk, awesome but don't take it personally when I don't acknowledge you for all the previous mentioned reasons. Or if I give you the finger because I do that often.