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I've spent the last three days in Body Combat training, and I'm thinking maybe I should have just stuck with what I know. I'm sitting here in my Steamboat shirt trying to build my confidence back up from the ground. I need to be reminded that I am good at something. Funny thought, although I suck at BC, I cannot wait to punish myself (and my class) tomorrow in RPM, I need a great RPM class or a great run to get my mind out of this hole. I know I can hit all the elements of being a good instructor, I do it all the time in RPM. I'm a bad ass RPM instructor! But in BC I just can't get the timing down and it makes me feel defeated. I want to keep at it, just so I can prove to myself and everyone that I can be one bad ass bitch when it comes to BC.
Instead I'm simply torn. One part of my mind has a plan of action on how I am going to overcome this obstacle. The other part just wants to stick with what I know. And ya know what is really killing me? I know if I want this-to be a BC instructor-that there is a very good chance that I will not be able to run the Las Vegas FULL marathon. Half yeah I can do that but for the full...I don't know. I simply don't know if I can training for a full marathon and try to do this. I don't think I can do both and man I reallllly wanna run that 26.2, I want that so badly. But I also want to teach Body Combat even if now its just to prove that I can.
Right now, I simply don't know. I wish it was Tuesday, I need a good loooong run to clear my mind. Fuck it, I may even just get up with the sun tomorrow, just so I can clear my head and get my power back. Then tear it apart in RPM and show myself that I do indeed posses all the key elements of a great instructor.
I said I would lose weight, so I lost 30lbs. I said I would be an RPM instructor, and I am, in fact I am told all the time how great I am at. I said I would be a DJ and I rock every day on a freaking radio station, I am on the radio people! I said I would run a 1/2 marathon, I've ran 2 and am about to start training for a third. I've been winning medals in local races, I was asked to be on the local run team. People look to me for running advice now. I do everything, everything, I set out to, always have. I've tasted victory. I'm tasting defeat. Which one will I eat?
I said I would lose weight, so I lost 30lbs. I said I would be an RPM instructor, and I am, in fact I am told all the time how great I am at. I said I would be a DJ and I rock every day on a freaking radio station, I am on the radio people! I said I would run a 1/2 marathon, I've ran 2 and am about to start training for a third. I've been winning medals in local races, I was asked to be on the local run team. People look to me for running advice now. I do everything, everything, I set out to, always have. I've tasted victory. I'm tasting defeat. Which one will I eat?
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| My bibs, signs, awards and medals, see I really don't always suck! |
Head up Anna! You are kick ass... just some things take more out of us to succeed! If you're going after BC, I would definitely wait on the FULL. Not only does it require a big time commitment on running, but the recovery time, I totally underestimated. These long runs whip my butt! Who on earth ever dreamt up 26.2 as fun?!?! :) LOL
ReplyDeleteEat a little ice cream, sleep on it and see how you feel in the morning...this set back sucks, but if anyone can push past it, do what is best and come out better for it....IT'S YOU! Don't give in the the confidence sucking monster just because you have to fight harder...just FIGHT HARDER. You are still young you have plenty of time to acquire BOTH accomplishments. Head up my favorite bad ass girl.
ReplyDeleteAnna - Don't beat yourself up! If BC is what is meant for you, it'll happen. If it's instead the full marathon in Vegas, it'll happen. Don't think about all the yuck and negative crap. That'll only bring you down. Think about how awesome you feel when you do RPM, running and BC. Think about the fun you are having. It'll all pan out. I just know it! And why wait for a running day to run. If it makes you feel better today, do it! Clearing your head is a good thing. PS. Um...and you DO kick ass!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou don't suck in the least bit!! You are awesome!! But I can see where you're torn.. I'm going to have to start giving up some of my favorite classes now that I have to begin training for my 1/2!! (I'm going to do the LV Rock N Roll too!!)
ReplyDeleteKeep your head up and eyes on the prize... You'll figure out what your heart really wants to do!
You are awesome just for admitting your feelings, which must be very hard to do. In the past few years you've accomplished so much and you readily admit it - so it must be tough to have a low right now. If BC isn't for you, there will be plenty of other things that you will find you excel at.
ReplyDeleteIt was so great to meet you last weekend, Anna! (I can't believe it has been a week already.)
ReplyDeleteI didn't know that you were a runner! We should definitely coordinate a race together sometime. I bet the Peoria racing scene is nicer than CU's....